Hey there Baldwin High, I am here to tell you what’s hot and what’s not in the fashion world.

First of all I see a lot of ladies wearing shoes. Shoes are social suicide. Nobody wants to see those beautiful socks being covered by anything.

This moves us to my next point, socks. If you’re covering your tootsies with anything but wool, your toes will fall off. It’s going to get cold so you’re going to want to run to the store and get yourself some knee highs before they run out.

Once you have your foot situation under control, you need to address your torso. The best option you have for shirts that are in is the plain colored shirt with a profane or crude joke written on it. You want to get these shirts a few sizes too big so everybody knows you’re serious. Make sure to wear these shirts to public places such as school plays and children’s soccer games, you’ll be the rage of the event, always provoking the question, “mommy, what does that mean?”

Now what to wear on the legs? I apologize for the stupidity of that question, obviously pants are out. That’s right, shorts are officially in. But don’t get caught dead wearing basketball shorts or cargo shorts. No, no my friend, short shorts are back. After booming throughout the 70s, 80s and even into the early 90s, short shorts seemed to have disappeared from the radar after almost three decades on top. For an expert opinion on short shorts we turn to the man who held fashion in his hand at BHS from 200 -12, none other than 2012 BHS graduate Dr. Brian Wright.

“Short shorts are out because not only do they make you faster, they show off sleek, sexy legs as well.” Wright explained, “They are making a comeback, but it takes the right person to lead the charge. Only a man who can rock the short shorts with pride will mark the return of short shorts. You can find them early any store, if all else fails simply take scissors and cut down the ridiculous baggy shorts into the perfect short shorts.

With the willpower anyone can pull off the short shorts. But it takes the right mindset to wear them with pride. I cannot speak of the powers of short shorts because it is forbidden to discuss. However, I can tell you that you become one with the short shorts and your muscles might get quite a bit bigger.”

This has been Ethan Hartzell reporting the facts about fashion.